Seriously, WHY are some people suddenly an expert when it comes to weddings?
When you tell most people you’re engaged, they congratulate you or ask you how you knew they were the one. All that love stuff.
Unfortunately, some people just cannot help themselves.
They immediately launch into what you should not do (according to them).
“Don’t get married on a Friday, the traffic will be a nightmare.”
“Don’t wear white unless you want to be covered in stains.”
“I hope you aren’t getting married in the fall, it’s too muggy.”
…Okay, but who asked you?
You know that generally, it’s coming from a place of love, but it’s your day and you have a plan — an epic plan, actually.
You don’t really need any input, especially when it’s judgmental.
So how do you tell these people to shove it without saying: “Eff off, I’ll plan my wedding how I freaking want, thanks”?
We have a three-part plan: Avoid, Ignore, and Redirect — aka AIR. When you get unsolicited wedding advice, it’s def time to get some AIR.
How Do I AVOID Unsolicited Wedding Advice?
The best way to avoid wedding advice is to plan your wedding without telling anyone. If no one knows, they can’t give you advice.
Once it’s all planned, you can then announce your wedding plans and send invitations. If people still try to offer you advice, simply say:
“Wow! That’s such a great idea! I wish we would’ve thought of that but, unfortunately, we already planned everything and we just can’t change things at the last minute.”
Avoiding is also super easy when you elope because you can just send an elopement announcement after the fact.
How Do I IGNORE Unsolicited Wedding Advice?
Not everyone can plan their wedding without notice.
If you have people in your wedding party or otherwise involved in the ceremony, you may have to let some people into the wedding planning portion. In these cases, it’s best to just ignore their advice.
Try saying something like:
“Thanks for the ideas, we’ll look into it.”
Then just proceed to make the decision you want to make.
If this is a challenge for you, maybe because it’s hard to stand up to certain people in our lives, don’t worry.
Just know you can always change things after the fact.
Most vendors understand this happens and will make an exception, if possible. If the person who influenced you asks what happened, you can tell them the vendor didn’t have that option or it was too expensive.
Still, the best approach is to try not to include people who can influence your decision making in the most important parts of your plan.
For example, if you have an outfit or flowers in mind, just go by yourself and get them rather than bringing someone who will push you to get something different.
How Do I REDIRECT Unsolicited Wedding Advice?
Finally, you may find yourself in a moment with someone being extra pushy.
Maybe it’s a relative pushing for a tradition that doesn’t align with your values.
Or maybe it’s a member of the wedding party who wants to have things their way.
These people are hard to avoid and ignore, and they’re often the people that lead us to say, “Eff off.”
With the extra pushy people, be like AIR and blow them in a different direction. For example:
“My partner and I are set on this, but you know what we could really use your help with? …”
Then you assign them a benign or tedious task where they can aim their energy, ie. get off your back.
Another way to redirect is to change the topic to something positive for them. For example, say an older relative is pushing for a specific type of officiant you could say:
“Speaking of officiants, did you write your own vows when you got married?”
Hopefully, that will redirect the conversation off of the officiant and get them talking about a positive memory from their wedding day.
If it doesn’t work right away, keep redirecting until they move on to something else. Eventually, most people get the hint.
AIR Out Your Feelings
AIR is a pretty effective way to keep the peace when you’re getting unsolicited wedding advice.
Unfortunately, even with the most powerful gusts, AIR doesn’t always work. Sometimes you really do just have to tell people to “eff off.”
In these cases, remember this is your wedding. It’s a celebration of you and your partner making your commitment to one another in the presence of your loved ones. It’s not a ceremony for or about those loved ones.
It’s cool that they’re there, but they don’t have to be if they’re disrespectful. You feel me? You won’t regret holding your boundaries, but you will regret having a wedding that isn’t for you.
Electric Sugar Elopements can also help. We seriously get it.
We’ve been doing this for a long time and we’ve seen how unsolicited advice can get out of control. We’ve got your back.
Our team is here to help you have a wedding that actually reflects who you are, not what other people expect you to be.
If you’re feeling this pressure, reach out and we can help you clear the air. It’s what we do.
