A micro wedding or elopement is the perfect way to ditch the drama and leave a gaggle of groomsmen and bridesmaids behind — if not at home, then at least in the past.
Many couples these days are forgoing the tradition of adding a wedding party to their special day. There are some very practical reasons why.
Read on to learn the reasons many couples are happy starting their happily-ever-after without the supporting cast.
Is it required to have a wedding party?
There is no requirement to have a wedding party. Like many traditions, the wedding party has become so ingrained in the wedding rituals that it seems like a must-have.
But there’s no rule that says as much.
We checked the rule book and there’s nothing in there that says, “Upon the couples’ engagement they are bound by Rule 17.5c to select a person of honor, a best person and 11 other pretty great people.”
Thank infant Christmas baby Jesus, or grown up Jesus, or teenage Jesus, or bearded Jesus or whoever you want that there’s no rule book.
What led to this downward trend?
According to wedding planner Marcy Blum, who was quoted in the New York Times, skipping the wedding party has been a thing for about 10 years. Blum says it’s because people are getting married later in life these days.
“For couples who are 30 and over, I’d say it’s about a 50-50 chance that they have a wedding party. Over 30, a lot of friends are pregnant. They have kids. It becomes much more of a to-do.”
Being one of the last of your friends to get married certainly brings more factors into the wedding party equation.
For every old roommate from college you’d like to have in the party, you’re now faced with questions like, “Where does the college roommate’s spouse and kids belong?” and “Do they know anyone else at the wedding?” and ’Is it fair to separate them from their family for a whole day?”
Some questions are better left unanswered.
1. The Changing Dynamics
One reason people are tossing aside the wedding party is because of the social dynamics of the modern world, and because being an adult means you’ve recognized the concept of friends that exist at a time and place.
Gen X and millennials have been two of the most mobile generations ever. They’re leaving their hometowns, heading for greener employment pastures, traveling the world, becoming different people every few years and making new for-the-time-being-friends along the way.
The expectation that you’ll always be together is fading, and we’ve all collectively realized that that’s OK. Getting together once again for the wedding or forcing a friendship that would otherwise naturally disappear to last just isn’t necessary.
It turns out that the two-piece “Best Friends Forever” heart medallion you picked up for $17.99 at Claire’s doesn’t really carry much real world weight. No hard feelings.
Same goes for your current bestie.
Will you still be friends with them 10 years from now? Do you want them in your wedding photos if they’ll not be around on your 10th wedding anniversary? These are legit concerns.
2. The Stress
We’re big advocates of stress-free weddings here at Electric Sugar Elopements. Stress is the silent killer and, while some stress is good, y’all for sure don’t need to introduce unnecessary “family discord” into something like your wedding.
Selecting your wedding party (Who’s in, who’s out? What order will they line up in? Does each side have to be equal?) can be a real headache. Managing egos, hurting people’s feelings… no thank you!
Logistics of the wedding party can be stressful too.
Will everyone even be able to attend? Does asking someone to join the wedding party mean they’ll feel obligated to go to a bachelor party now too? Can they afford the dress? Can they be arranged by height?
“Shit, you mean we gotta buy gifts for all these people now too on top of trying to just get to the freakin’ alter?!?!” What a nightmare.
And trust us, picking out what you’re going to wear is stressful enough. You don’t need to be stressing yourself out over what 10 other people will wear. PASS!
3. The Expense
The bigger your entourage, the bigger of a bank account you’re going to need. Having a wedding party is expensive.
Does everyone need a floral bouquet?
$
How about boutonnieres?
$$
Will you be providing transportation to each of your wedding events?
$$$
You’re giving them a gift to show your appreciation, right?
$$$$
You’re not going to make them pay for their own rehearsal dinner meal, are you?
$$$$
These are your best friends, you gotta buy them drinks.
$$$$$
Want them to look nice in your wedding photos? Add on hair and makeup, you stingy bastard!
$$$$$$
It all adds up, and it just keeps multiplying the more people you include.
But any number times zero is zero — that IS in the rule book. The easiest way to cut costs is to not get started.
4. The Drama
We’ve alluded to this a little bit already, but we haven’t directly hit on the touchiest aspect of all of this: FEELINGS.
People get weird when you start drafting them onto your team. Ask NFL quarterback Aaron Rodgers. Has he EVER recovered from sitting in the green room for so long?
There are certainly a lot of emotions at play when talking about choosing your wedding party. Like it or not, you’re basically ranking your friends. Second place hurts. Being left out entirely could take up a whole hour at the next therapy session. Just don’t do it.
5. The Personalities
Speaking of last place… here’s one final reason not to have a wedding party: Part of finding your true love means you’ve become the best version of yourself.
Congratulations, you’re a well-rounded multidimensional adult whose ready to conquer the world with the love of your life.
And a well-rounded person has friends, family and acquaintances from different corners of their universe. Bringing them together might not be copasetic.
Can your sailing crew get along with your D&D combatants? Possibly? Maybe see if you can get them talking about the Bored Ape YC.
Will your brother-in-law come to fisticuffs with your frat brother?
Is your sister gonna cause a scene when your work wife insists on giving a toast? Perhaps it’s best not to find out.
Be a Rebel
Now that you know why the wedding party is going out of style, you’ve got one less thing to worry about when planning your wedding. You’re welcome.
And hey, you don’t need a wedding party on hand to party with your people! Skip all the drama and elope — it’s more common than ever to Marry Now, Party Later with a Post-Elopement Party.
Looking for more stress-free solutions to an easy-breezy wedding? Get in touch with the team at Electric Sugar Elopements.
We’ll bring your rebellious wedding day dreams to life — without all the drama.
